Monday, November 30, 2009

I realized over the Thankstaking holiday that my family is quite not bothered by it. I find it rather interesting...
I saw Precious over the was the first movie that made me shed a was sad. People who have color complexes are sad, people who change their eye color are sad, people who perm and wear weave because they want to look mainstream or white are sad. People have become scientific implants-brest, butt, lips, et cetera. They are pathetic to me, and I genuinely feel bad for drove me to write this:

Dear Black Girl

First things first, if you wanna make it as an entertainer, in corporate America, or even as a house wife, there are a few things that you have to do. You absolutely positively make sure your breast are at least a size D, preferably a DD; and you gotta have the ass to match. Your butt has to fat not flabby but fat. Like Lola Love, Melissa Ford, Beyonce, FAT! This may require you to exercise more or get the butt implant that white girls get. Either way, figure it out. Now thats rule number one. Number two - no matter what, you gotta wear high heels, at least like 5 inches. You need to start now, I dont care if you are 10, or 11, whatever...START NOW. You might as well get some calf implants while youre at it and make sure you have nice legs. They cant be flabby and they cant be quarterback strong, they gotta be Rihanna legs. And since you got nice legs and stilettos, you hve to show your legs. Dress like a stripper where ever you go - to the supermarket, interview, gast station, where ever. Then, long as youre dressing like a stripper, you gotta act like one from time to time. Be stereotypical! All publicity is good publicity, so go ahead and act like a ho at all cost! This may require you to walk outside butt naked one day, or kiss other girls, do splitso n the red carpet at the Soul Train Awards...DO IT! Also, you gotta be light skinned. You absolutely gotta be light. If you aint light skinned, you aint gonna make it. It you darker than a brown paper bag, you better start usin that shit that Sammy Sosa uses! Oh yea and you have to have longgggggggggggg weave. It can be straight or curly but it BETTA NOT BE NAPPY. Dont even think about being natural either. If it dont come from a horses ass, then you wont make it. After you COMPLETELY change your appearance to the point where you even your parents recognize you, then you should get start to get soem endorsements - Double Mint gun, Mountain Dew, if youre lucky, Eastern Moters Insurance Company. Maybe afterwards you'll be invited to 106 and Park and thennnn maybe you can focus on your career...good luck

My confessions

Im indecisive, and I hate it.
When Im insecure, I tend to change my hair (cut it all off, grow an afro, get braids, now locs)
I make false promises to myself and keep ones that I make to other people.
My worst fears: the lost of a loved one, marrying a downlow brother, STDs, being unsucessful
I try to live up to my standards as well as other peoples
I yern for the things that I do have
I believe that I will be apart of that 64% of black women who never get married, it scares me
I know I should go to church more
I have several defense mechanisms
I have a tough exterior but am sensitive as a nerve

trust me, it sounds worse than it is. Despite it all, I am happy... but yea thats all I got for now

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

First impressions

Soooo Im at work...bored. Waitin to leave. Come on 2:00!!!
Whats funny is when you first meet someone and you like them a whole lot-but you barely know them. You ever met someone and you are just like yea...this person is it. They say all the right jokes, they're attractive, seem uncomplicated, this person just seems perfect at first glace. Then you have just oneeeeeeee phone conversation and you like yea...THIS PERSON IS IT lol. You may talk for hours and still barely know them. Its okay tho, cuz at face value, they are on point. And you think about them alllll day and embellish on their positive characteristics; think about the conversations yall have had, add words and just tell yourself that this person is on point. Its like you feed into who they COULD be...then one day, you realize reality and you be like yea...this person is HUMAN. Its a sad day.
I've realized something today...I reside in a fantasy world. I live in freakin La La Land. I give people the benefit of the doubt more than most, I leave A LOTTTTTTT of room for error, i dont acknowledge the bad aspects of folks or myself. I have a lot to work on....its not that I cant, its just really hard for me to handle the truth. Its soo hard for me to accept people for who they truly are instead of who I want them to be or who I know they could be.

My mind is in the clouds, I write it all down...

Monday, November 23, 2009

Break Bread

Its Thanksgiving time children, time to break bread
Prepare your hearts for the blessing of the food while we as a people continue to wait to be fed.
We sit bed ridden, doped up on meds.
Yes at a table of all the finest dishes we are in a hospital bed.
HIV/AIDS skinny, with flu like symptoms
More than the common cold, yes we are the victims
Injected with an illness that cant be fully described
So we pop prescriptions but most of us aint really alive.
Drink ourselves to sleep and throw it up the next morning,
Drug each other with no concern, pick at old wounds when new new ones are formin.
Murder our brothers keeper and bleach our skin to the point where we are invisible... nah somethin just aint right.
So we gon keep on eatin our hospital food all thanksgiving day and all night
Waitin to get cured
We digest what they give us til we cant stomach it no more...
yes children we are the epitome of a plan gone wrong
And to them our cries for help sound like a hip hop song
We have struggled continuously, loved effortlessly, and have endure pain
At the end of the day children, we have done nothing but sustained
Hundred of thousands murdered with shots to the head
Insensitive to crime, some of us are already dead
Others are in bed
Or sleepwalking with no direction at all
We walk the straight line for the police and are arrested when we fall
Drowning in mass confusion somewhere in the Atlantic others have drifted off with Katrina.
And we STILL waitin for the government to help us but how we know Obama aint gonna be like FEMA.
The souls of our parents' parents are still burning in churches and hanging on trees
Its true- my children, if we hate our roots then we gotta hate the leaves.
Roots being our ancestors, leaves being you
So we take off our head wraps and want to look cool
Modern day fool
Lets sit back and count up what we've been thru
Decades of continuous rape and many moments of deceit
Blood from our head dripping drippin onto our feet.
Oh yes its Thanksgiving, time for a feast!
They prepare their laps with napkins and shake hands with their fellow beast.
At our expense they continue to rise,
Eat healthy, be merry they survive and we die.
Capitalism is controversial when our community is not longer alive.
We aint like them, we dont eat off the same plate
They arrive to the big house on time and we are still late
Our food is cold...and until we get out of this hospital we will remain underfed
And under the destruction of their meds
If youre hungry
Go out into the plantation, steal whats yours and get fed

Monday, November 16, 2009

Her name is november

As it seems, you only get to be in a happy relationship during 2 extreme seasons- during the months of summer (summer love) and during the winter (winter bun time). People cuddle up when its extremely cold and when its extremely hot. In fall and spring, youre on your own, maybe because those are seasons of complete transition, limbo. Or maybe it just seems this way...
I've come to the conclusion that what I have wanted, time and time again, in all of the relationships that I have become involved in, is to not just think it but to know that I am relevant...taken into consideration...of some kind of importance...I need to feel special. Is that too much to ask?? Ironically, I end up being the person, who goes above and beyond. I give what I want and never receive....soo really, am I the problem??

I dont know..

Friday, November 6, 2009


I feel like I just took a bullet. Just know that when it hits you, the emotional pain becomes physical, and then you are just that much more immuned to the feeling of being hurt....

Up goes the shield....

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Recent observations

I've been observing people a lot lately. Starting with myself...I think Im kinda interesting. In some instances, I dont speak unless spoken to and then in other instances Im the most vocal. Or I can be a complete fool at times, making anyone laugh and other times I can be completely removed from interaction with other people. Maybe its the Gemini in me but I cant make up my mind, Im all over the place. I am a jack of all trades, not completely efficient in any one thing but can adapt very well to any enviroment or circumstance. I want to be a lot of wildly unstable right now and I desperately want to be in a stable, comfortable place...I love love and despise it at the same time. When it flies out of the window, I care, but I dont typically stretch my neck out to see where it went....

The following is a list that I gathered when it comes to other people:

  • If we take no pride in being African and no pride in being American how can we ever take pride in being African American??
  • If justice was a person, she woulda have died a long time ago
  • Breath, Stretch, Shake and LET IT GO
  • There is only one acceptable thing to do when there is a lot on your quicker
  • Lots of stinky people fake the funk
  • Catapillers dont resist their transition into butterflies...why should people?
  • On facebook, everyone is a superstar...they make themselves more intersting then they really are. Is your live really that specticular, my guess is no
  • The hilltop is becoming more similar to BET
  • I am not just as many things as I am
  • It is very important, in every situation, for you to keep your head tilted, back straight and keep one foot in front of the other

Random..i kno.