I feel like I just took a bullet. Just know that when it hits you, the emotional pain becomes physical, and then you are just that much more immuned to the feeling of being hurt....
Up goes the shield....
Showing posts with label fuck you. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fuck you. Show all posts
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Asswipe.Muskrat.Platypus.Dirtbaggg
Drunken Afternoons:
Last summer I went on a hideous date. I was talkin to this dude...we'll call him muskrat. Muskrat calls me and was like you tryin to go to the mall, Im like sure. I meet him at his apartment and we ride to pentagon city. Whole time he has this water bottle and is takin sips of it. We walk around for a bit and decide we are going to go to the movies afterward. He says "lets go to the food court real quick" Im like okay. We go to Mccy D's and I get myself some food and all he gets is some juice. We sit down and Im like, all you want is juice? you already have water! He is like this isnt water...and he puts some of what looks like water in the cup of juice. Im sittin there watchin him and I slowwwwwwwwwwly realized that he does...not...have...water...ITS VODKA! He is busy getting drunk on what I thought was a date. OMG OMG OMG. Asswipe. Muskrat. Platypus. Dirtbaggggggg. That is where the date ended
Free Movie Pass Havin Ass:
This summer, last weekend to be exact, I go out with a different guy...we'll call him scrub. Scrub CALLS ME, I dont call him, and asks what im doin. Im like nothin, wassup. He is like we should hang out. Im like okay, what do you wanna do. He says, lets go to the movies. Okayyyy. Im thinkin we can meet at Gallery Place but he says he will come out to Largo. Now, in case you dont know, Largo is ghetto and full of kids. Gallery Place is a lot better. So he gets on the train and I meet him in Largo. We stand in line. He has on a really cute outfit, might I add. We get closer to the front and Im stading in front of him. I think to myself, maybe I should pull out my wallet, so I do. I also think that he is going to tell me to put it back...after all, it is a first date and he asked me out. He doesnt ask me to put it back. So I go ahead and pay for my movie ticket. One for Bruno please. I get my ticket and step asside. Why oh whyyyy does he pull out a free movie pass. A FREE MOVIE PASS. He doesnt pay for my ticket or his!!!! WTF WTF WTF. Asswipe. Muskrat. Platypus. Dirthbaggggg. After the movie he asked, "when ima see you again". Never!!! How the fuck are you gonna pull out a coupan for YOURSELF on a first date and nottt even hook me up. WTF
-Reminder to self...NO SCRUBS!
Last summer I went on a hideous date. I was talkin to this dude...we'll call him muskrat. Muskrat calls me and was like you tryin to go to the mall, Im like sure. I meet him at his apartment and we ride to pentagon city. Whole time he has this water bottle and is takin sips of it. We walk around for a bit and decide we are going to go to the movies afterward. He says "lets go to the food court real quick" Im like okay. We go to Mccy D's and I get myself some food and all he gets is some juice. We sit down and Im like, all you want is juice? you already have water! He is like this isnt water...and he puts some of what looks like water in the cup of juice. Im sittin there watchin him and I slowwwwwwwwwwly realized that he does...not...have...water...ITS VODKA! He is busy getting drunk on what I thought was a date. OMG OMG OMG. Asswipe. Muskrat. Platypus. Dirtbaggggggg. That is where the date ended
Free Movie Pass Havin Ass:
This summer, last weekend to be exact, I go out with a different guy...we'll call him scrub. Scrub CALLS ME, I dont call him, and asks what im doin. Im like nothin, wassup. He is like we should hang out. Im like okay, what do you wanna do. He says, lets go to the movies. Okayyyy. Im thinkin we can meet at Gallery Place but he says he will come out to Largo. Now, in case you dont know, Largo is ghetto and full of kids. Gallery Place is a lot better. So he gets on the train and I meet him in Largo. We stand in line. He has on a really cute outfit, might I add. We get closer to the front and Im stading in front of him. I think to myself, maybe I should pull out my wallet, so I do. I also think that he is going to tell me to put it back...after all, it is a first date and he asked me out. He doesnt ask me to put it back. So I go ahead and pay for my movie ticket. One for Bruno please. I get my ticket and step asside. Why oh whyyyy does he pull out a free movie pass. A FREE MOVIE PASS. He doesnt pay for my ticket or his!!!! WTF WTF WTF. Asswipe. Muskrat. Platypus. Dirthbaggggg. After the movie he asked, "when ima see you again". Never!!! How the fuck are you gonna pull out a coupan for YOURSELF on a first date and nottt even hook me up. WTF
-Reminder to self...NO SCRUBS!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Bitchassness
GRRRRR let me start by saying that I heard a great quote once- "females are bitchy every week, its just that when they are on their period, they have an excuse". Perhaps.
Anyways- i have to ge this off my chest. I absolutely,positively hate when people go on facebook and decide to put up pictures of every aspect of their fabulous lives. Like if you have a awesome weekend, you post the shoes you wore, the drinks you drank, the time that it was, et cetera instead of just you and who ever was with you smiling. Do you have to post everything??? It shows up in my mini feed and it annoys me....
Also, i must say it, and maybe I feel this way because Im locking my hair and dont feel quite as pretty, but Beyonce is starting to get on my nerves too. Shes perfect. How can me, a normal yet interesting black woman compete or even co-exsist with this beautiful, talented, freak of nature who constantly reminds us of how inadequate and lacking we are. Noww, she is parading around in these body suites, that us ordinary women cant just wear all willy nilly, and her long luscious hair and even skin. She is impossible..and impossible standard of beauty that is older than me. Wayyyyy older. At least Tyra shows her flaws so we can all wipe the sweat off our forehead. GRRRR beyonce!
Finally...let me tell you all about the sick joke that was played on me by my ex boyfriend. He text me and said that at the very least we could trade movies. I went to his house, we went out, a friendly closer type of outing that included a meal. By the end of the night I stretched my arms and said well this is it...ohh where is my movie (i had already given him his). Whyyyyy did he not have it. Why the fuck did he have me under the impression that I was getting it. This was suppose to be like a closure type of thing and nowwww the process is being prolonged. He thought it was funny. It was a sick joke
Anyways- i have to ge this off my chest. I absolutely,positively hate when people go on facebook and decide to put up pictures of every aspect of their fabulous lives. Like if you have a awesome weekend, you post the shoes you wore, the drinks you drank, the time that it was, et cetera instead of just you and who ever was with you smiling. Do you have to post everything??? It shows up in my mini feed and it annoys me....
Also, i must say it, and maybe I feel this way because Im locking my hair and dont feel quite as pretty, but Beyonce is starting to get on my nerves too. Shes perfect. How can me, a normal yet interesting black woman compete or even co-exsist with this beautiful, talented, freak of nature who constantly reminds us of how inadequate and lacking we are. Noww, she is parading around in these body suites, that us ordinary women cant just wear all willy nilly, and her long luscious hair and even skin. She is impossible..and impossible standard of beauty that is older than me. Wayyyyy older. At least Tyra shows her flaws so we can all wipe the sweat off our forehead. GRRRR beyonce!
Finally...let me tell you all about the sick joke that was played on me by my ex boyfriend. He text me and said that at the very least we could trade movies. I went to his house, we went out, a friendly closer type of outing that included a meal. By the end of the night I stretched my arms and said well this is it...ohh where is my movie (i had already given him his). Whyyyyy did he not have it. Why the fuck did he have me under the impression that I was getting it. This was suppose to be like a closure type of thing and nowwww the process is being prolonged. He thought it was funny. It was a sick joke
Pop off or wait?
Have you ever been angry? Like really angry. Like you can feel a physical change in your body. Like you heart rate increases, you tummy feels like there are tennis balls bouncing around in it, your throat feels like you've just dry swallowed a pill. Likeeeeeee you need to say something to someone. Sometime hurtful, something that will serve as a adequet counteract to what you are feeling. Its like your mind goes blank for a while and then you feel a sudden burst of emotion...im fuckin angry. There are certain people that I absolutely refuse to talk to again, ever. People amaze and shock the hell out of me. Life scares me, because shit is just literally thrown at you and you have to take it. And you have so many choices. You can be silent, you can be loud, you can preoccupy your time, you can be distructive, you can brush it off, you can overwork yourself, you can underwork yourself, you can over eat, you can undersleep...you can do a lot of things. Or you can wait. I ususally choose to wait. But this right here, may call for me to pop off. Wait or pop off...wait or pop off...either way something is gonna happen. GRRRRR people. Fuck my life. I think Im actually a little hurt. Show emotion or hide it. wait or pop off. UGGHHHH people. I have terrible choices in men. Thats what it boils down to. I am horrible at choosing men. I may just adopt a child and not have a husband. Why? Because i dont know how to pick em. HMMMMM people. Im gonna wait, unless Im challenge, then I'll pop off. And Im not gonna show any emotion....
Monday, June 29, 2009
Detachment
When I was 9 years I got married to who I thought would be my elementary school sweetheart, Sanjeet. He and I got married at recess. He made me a flower ring by tying the stem of the flower to make a circle. We broke up later on because our fake son told me that he was cheating on me with this thick girl named Reginae. Our fake son lied....that was my first break up. Since then there has been
Sooo Im making a resolution, in light of my new found single, black womanhood, I will date:
- Soccer
- D. Rob
- Batts
- Mike
- Mr. Carter
- Swales
Sooo Im making a resolution, in light of my new found single, black womanhood, I will date:
- No scrubs lol
- Men who commit to me as much as I commit to them
Men who wipe their own ass - Men who inspire me, not so much as the other way around
- Men who match my fly
- Men who dont try to be cool
- Men who are cool with out effort
Men who like Malcolm X, etc.
Men who aspire to work in leadership positions - Men who can dance as good as I can
- Men who can talk about politics
- Men who can cook
- Men who insist and help me learn how to cook
- Men who have a mind of their own
- Men who are gentlemen
- Men who wont be threatened by me
- Men who recognized that I am a Empress
Men are in the process of getting their shit together - Family men
- Men who havent been arrested
- Men who can tell me whats wrong with my car
- Men who are fun
- Men who play fight
The list is long but I dont think that the things that Im asking for are out of reach. I fit into all the aforementioned categories. I mean, really, is it too much to ask for someone who is equally yoked???
thats all i got for now...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Spring Cleaning
I febrezed with the air effects
Wit the lemon smell
You know the kind
But it wasn’t enough
Images of you were everyone, not only on my mind
So
I swept (disappointment)
I scrubbed (frustration)
I threw away (false anticipations)
I took the trash out (items that remind me of you)…of the house and backyard (including your tee-shirt and shorts)
And there you were
Still
You wont just bow gracefully
And leave
So I tucked away (feelings)
I vacuumed (hope)
I dusted (fear)
I sprayed some Ajax, mixed with Mr. clean mixed with Scrubbing bubbles
And then I let it sit
And sit
And sit
On the surface It looked clean
But I knew it was dirty as shit
So this is it
I wiped one good time
Then two good times
Then a third
I squeezed my filthy rag
Over the sink
Then I looked back at what was a mess
And it all became clear
And now
Like right now
I don’t even smell you
Hear you
Feel you
Taste you
See you
Nor the stain that we both thought you left
Wit the lemon smell
You know the kind
But it wasn’t enough
Images of you were everyone, not only on my mind
So
I swept (disappointment)
I scrubbed (frustration)
I threw away (false anticipations)
I took the trash out (items that remind me of you)…of the house and backyard (including your tee-shirt and shorts)
And there you were
Still
You wont just bow gracefully
And leave
So I tucked away (feelings)
I vacuumed (hope)
I dusted (fear)
I sprayed some Ajax, mixed with Mr. clean mixed with Scrubbing bubbles
And then I let it sit
And sit
And sit
On the surface It looked clean
But I knew it was dirty as shit
So this is it
I wiped one good time
Then two good times
Then a third
I squeezed my filthy rag
Over the sink
Then I looked back at what was a mess
And it all became clear
And now
Like right now
I don’t even smell you
Hear you
Feel you
Taste you
See you
Nor the stain that we both thought you left
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Face Value
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” Maya Angelou
To make it plain, an illusion is nothing but a misapprehension
Something that deceives by producing a false or misleading apprehension of reality
Reality became clear when I first saw your true colors…
How colorful you can be
Unknown to me, so now I feel like a fool
As it seems, I thought I knew…
but surly had no idea
I’ve been had.
Hoodwinked.
Fooled.
Led astray.
Deceived.
Duped
Out winked
Essentially…Im bamboozled
Lesson learned
Knowledge well earned
Face Value is the key
Got blind when I saw you’re true colors, such a discrepancy
Vision blurred
Picture perfect is smeared
Everything is so abstract now
How sad
Yet its funny when clarity is gained
And someone’s true colors become framed
What exactly was your aim?
Was this just your persona
A cruel joke you decided to play
Is this permanent or something just for today?
Nevermind, its okay
because I know that this is you
Dont like what I see
but its reality
Everything is everything at face value
Better understanding of you
A sure representation of the type of shit you put me through
I saw it for my own eyes, now what am I gonna do...
To make it plain, an illusion is nothing but a misapprehension
Something that deceives by producing a false or misleading apprehension of reality
Reality became clear when I first saw your true colors…
How colorful you can be
Unknown to me, so now I feel like a fool
As it seems, I thought I knew…
but surly had no idea
I’ve been had.
Hoodwinked.
Fooled.
Led astray.
Deceived.
Duped
Out winked
Essentially…Im bamboozled
Lesson learned
Knowledge well earned
Face Value is the key
Got blind when I saw you’re true colors, such a discrepancy
Vision blurred
Picture perfect is smeared
Everything is so abstract now
How sad
Yet its funny when clarity is gained
And someone’s true colors become framed
What exactly was your aim?
Was this just your persona
A cruel joke you decided to play
Is this permanent or something just for today?
Nevermind, its okay
because I know that this is you
Dont like what I see
but its reality
Everything is everything at face value
Better understanding of you
A sure representation of the type of shit you put me through
I saw it for my own eyes, now what am I gonna do...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The Critique
Who???First and foremost I am a Queen (lol, if I don’t claim it, who will right…exactly).
And I do what I want because I can.
Shades black…
Pretty laid back…
Plenty try to hold me back, but fuck em (right??? Right)
“Hater n***** marry hater b****** and have hated kids” right Kanye, right
Refuse to excuse, conform or submit to the system
Some call it revolutionary…I call it evolutionary (you may wanna get wit it)
I get kinda complicated once you start to get under my layers (do you dare lls)
I don’t really care
But Im a female who “loves to love to love ya” (right Timbaland and Magoo, right)
And I put my all into the people I care 4 What???
First and foremost I’m a Queen (If I don’t claim it, who will…exactly).
And I do what I want because I can
Survivor
Strong…
You wont see me sweat, you will never see me cry…
I wont give you the benefit of seeing any negative effects you’ve had on me
You only see what I show you…
“I talk a lot of shit cuz I can back it up…”
Sweet
Petite
Self-lover at all times
Fine like wine (lol)(how I have a poem that halfway rhyme? Cuz I can do that lol)
When???
First and foremost I’m a Queen (If I don’t claim it who will right…exactly).
And I do what I want because I can…
Began June 20th back in the 80s…
Last year…
Last week…
Yesterday…
Today…
Tomorrow…
All day…
Every day…
My heart will always be the same
The core of me will never change
Dana Racine- true til the end of my reignWhy???
First and foremost I’m a Queen (If I don’t claim it who will right…exactly).
And I do what I want because I can…
I do everything I do for me
Ima be satisfied with every decision that I make
Even if it was a mistake
Cuz if I claimed to be perfect I’d be fake
So I keep it real and critique my shit on the daily
And every night, when I lay my head on my pillow, I remind myself that despite everything I’m still a Queen (If I don’t claim it who will) and I do whatever I want because I most definitely can
If you don’t have the same attitude you should adopt it
And I do what I want because I can.
Shades black…
Pretty laid back…
Plenty try to hold me back, but fuck em (right??? Right)
“Hater n***** marry hater b****** and have hated kids” right Kanye, right
Refuse to excuse, conform or submit to the system
Some call it revolutionary…I call it evolutionary (you may wanna get wit it)
I get kinda complicated once you start to get under my layers (do you dare lls)
I don’t really care
But Im a female who “loves to love to love ya” (right Timbaland and Magoo, right)
And I put my all into the people I care 4 What???
First and foremost I’m a Queen (If I don’t claim it, who will…exactly).
And I do what I want because I can
Survivor
Strong…
You wont see me sweat, you will never see me cry…
I wont give you the benefit of seeing any negative effects you’ve had on me
You only see what I show you…
“I talk a lot of shit cuz I can back it up…”
Sweet
Petite
Self-lover at all times
Fine like wine (lol)(how I have a poem that halfway rhyme? Cuz I can do that lol)
When???
First and foremost I’m a Queen (If I don’t claim it who will right…exactly).
And I do what I want because I can…
Began June 20th back in the 80s…
Last year…
Last week…
Yesterday…
Today…
Tomorrow…
All day…
Every day…
My heart will always be the same
The core of me will never change
Dana Racine- true til the end of my reignWhy???
First and foremost I’m a Queen (If I don’t claim it who will right…exactly).
And I do what I want because I can…
I do everything I do for me
Ima be satisfied with every decision that I make
Even if it was a mistake
Cuz if I claimed to be perfect I’d be fake
So I keep it real and critique my shit on the daily
And every night, when I lay my head on my pillow, I remind myself that despite everything I’m still a Queen (If I don’t claim it who will) and I do whatever I want because I most definitely can
If you don’t have the same attitude you should adopt it
UNO OUT
*DUCK...DUCK...GOOSE...
Sooo I guess Im the chosen one
I chase you, you chase me
In circles we go
running no where in particular
just for fun...i guess
*DRAW FOUR and the color is RED
You cant be serious
when all I have in my hand are blue and green
dare you to ask more of me than Im currently capable of giving
then I gotta draw too
so I pick up and pick up til I got damn near all the cards in my hand
then when I finally get my red, I gotta give it up
Thats bullshit
So you put me through all this, gave me extra baggage and in the end
still not what your looking for, cuz I dont have the color red???
Okay last game...
*Twister
You tell me exactly what to do and I'll do it
right arm green
left leg red
twist my body like my mind
Im a freakin pretzel
Nevertheless following your directions
With the hopes that you will put me out of my misery
But you would rather watch me fall
Im through
The games we play
Have got to stop one day
Its bullshitbitchassfuckery
And I
Am
OUT
Sooo I guess Im the chosen one
I chase you, you chase me
In circles we go
running no where in particular
just for fun...i guess
*DRAW FOUR and the color is RED
You cant be serious
when all I have in my hand are blue and green
dare you to ask more of me than Im currently capable of giving
then I gotta draw too
so I pick up and pick up til I got damn near all the cards in my hand
then when I finally get my red, I gotta give it up
Thats bullshit
So you put me through all this, gave me extra baggage and in the end
still not what your looking for, cuz I dont have the color red???
Okay last game...
*Twister
You tell me exactly what to do and I'll do it
right arm green
left leg red
twist my body like my mind
Im a freakin pretzel
Nevertheless following your directions
With the hopes that you will put me out of my misery
But you would rather watch me fall
Im through
The games we play
Have got to stop one day
Its bullshitbitchassfuckery
And I
Am
OUT
Friday, July 11, 2008
The facade
I have...been contemplating the thought...
of...
letting go...of you and people like you...
the artificial ones, along with artificial food...
no more chicken or turkey because they have hormones...
too many hormones... like you lol...im already emotional as it is
i've already let go of fake hip hop...fake friends...and a fake love life...
so whats left???
you and chicken lol...because you are chicken...
i think that in addition to that...im gonna let go of bad drinks...
you know the ones im talkin about...they do nothing for my soul...
im not a drinker...but i dont need or want another drink...
no fake nails...no fake hair...no fake care...
daddy...stop pretending that youre there...
for me
although you try to be...
I just want to be real
and really live life...happily
of...
letting go...of you and people like you...
the artificial ones, along with artificial food...
no more chicken or turkey because they have hormones...
too many hormones... like you lol...im already emotional as it is
i've already let go of fake hip hop...fake friends...and a fake love life...
so whats left???
you and chicken lol...because you are chicken...
i think that in addition to that...im gonna let go of bad drinks...
you know the ones im talkin about...they do nothing for my soul...
im not a drinker...but i dont need or want another drink...
no fake nails...no fake hair...no fake care...
daddy...stop pretending that youre there...
for me
although you try to be...
I just want to be real
and really live life...happily
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