My confessions

Im indecisive, and I hate it.

When Im insecure, I tend to change my hair (cut it all off, grow an afro, get braids, now locs)

I make false promises to myself and keep ones that I make to other people.

My worst fears: the lost of a loved one, marrying a downlow brother, STDs, being unsucessful

I try to live up to my standards as well as other peoples
I yern for the things that I do have

I believe that I will be apart of that 64% of black women who never get married, it scares me

I know I should go to church more

I have several defense mechanisms

I have a tough exterior but am sensitive as a nerve

trust me, it sounds worse than it is. Despite it all, I am happy... but yea thats all I got for now

Its important

Its important...that at all times..I practice the following...

• patience
• peace
• inspiration
• love
• care
• tenderness
• humility
• gratitude
• stregnth
• knowledge
• weakness
• discipline
• growth
• inspired
• joy
• diligence
• trust

No matter how hard it gets..

Daydreaming of love

Its a lazy afternoon
The evening breeze is about to blow
I inhale calmly while daydreaming
Exhale nice a slow


I release inhabitions
I let go of fear
I touch the surface for solitude
And and this is what I hear...


The crys of my ancestors
The joys of my neice
The war in Iraq
The prayer for peace
The calmness of water
The chaos of wind
The love of each other
The shakles of disappointment
The dodgeball in the park
The burgers on the grill
The tracing of my history
The way love feels

The way love feels

Anything beyond love
I dont see or understand
I embrace my lazy afternoon
And dream about Egyptian sand
Inhale
Exhale
Tighten up
Let go
The world is constantly spinning
So I twirl in a field of flowers
As I learn to just let it flow

Moments in Time

I've realized how significant and equally insignificant certain moments are.
We pick them out like cherries in a sundae and eat them whole...moments that were painful are remembered, dissected and extracted, bringing us negativity and pain. why do they matter. Out of everything else happening, out of the good that goes over looked in our lives, why does the bad moments even matter. They are cherished like an award, dwelled upon and relived through our emotions when we think about them. We ignore the humor in children who say simple words in funny ways, we ignore the luxuries of a warm breeze on a summer night, we ignore the yummyness (lol) of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and grape juice, we ignore the good that we have in our lives and become distraught at the mere thought of a moment in time. A moment in the past. A moment that should not matter anymore.
I am trying to move past the utter bullshit that I have experienced and stop over looking my blessings. I am trying to forgive and move on.

God help me to look at the bigger picture...