Pop off or wait?

Have you ever been angry? Like really angry. Like you can feel a physical change in your body. Like you heart rate increases, you tummy feels like there are tennis balls bouncing around in it, your throat feels like you've just dry swallowed a pill. Likeeeeeee you need to say something to someone. Sometime hurtful, something that will serve as a adequet counteract to what you are feeling. Its like your mind goes blank for a while and then you feel a sudden burst of emotion...im fuckin angry. There are certain people that I absolutely refuse to talk to again, ever. People amaze and shock the hell out of me. Life scares me, because shit is just literally thrown at you and you have to take it. And you have so many choices. You can be silent, you can be loud, you can preoccupy your time, you can be distructive, you can brush it off, you can overwork yourself, you can underwork yourself, you can over eat, you can undersleep...you can do a lot of things. Or you can wait. I ususally choose to wait. But this right here, may call for me to pop off. Wait or pop off...wait or pop off...either way something is gonna happen. GRRRRR people. Fuck my life. I think Im actually a little hurt. Show emotion or hide it. wait or pop off. UGGHHHH people. I have terrible choices in men. Thats what it boils down to. I am horrible at choosing men. I may just adopt a child and not have a husband. Why? Because i dont know how to pick em. HMMMMM people. Im gonna wait, unless Im challenge, then I'll pop off. And Im not gonna show any emotion....

Detachment

When I was 9 years I got married to who I thought would be my elementary school sweetheart, Sanjeet. He and I got married at recess. He made me a flower ring by tying the stem of the flower to make a circle. We broke up later on because our fake son told me that he was cheating on me with this thick girl named Reginae. Our fake son lied....that was my first break up. Since then there has been

1. Soccer
2. D. Rob
3. Batts
4. Mike
5. Mr. Carter
6. Swales

Five out of six of the aforementioned relationships ended up with me getting my feelings hurt. Thats not okay. And five out of six of them, I actually put forth effort to try to rekindle or make things work out. I still pushed for the idea of a possibility instead of accepting the natural way that things were suppose to happen. For instance, D. Rob, my boyfriend from 10th to 12th grade really did me a favor by breaking up with me...now, he is working at some mortician place with a 2 yr old daughter and baby mama who apparently had sex with one of his friends. I dont talk to him often at all but he doesnt seem to have it all. If I woulda stayed with him, i would be that baby mama-ugh. I would not have been able to access my own power and potential because his bad luck and energy would have rubbed off on my, like it does when sex happends, and I too would have been unsuccessful at age 21. It took for him to transfer school for me to completely detach myself from him. Just like I am beginning to see that I will have to do with each of my other exes. I need to focus soley on self and stop putting forth effort to shit that i know is not going to work out. Im bouta stop fighting for shit that isnt fighting for me.

Sooo Im making a resolution, in light of my new found single, black womanhood, I will date:

• No scrubs lol
• Men who commit to me as much as I commit to them
  Men who wipe their own ass
• Men who inspire me, not so much as the other way around
• Men who match my fly
• Men who dont try to be cool
• Men who are cool with out effort
  Men who like Malcolm X, etc.
  Men who aspire to work in leadership positions
• Men who can dance as good as I can
• Men who can talk about politics
• Men who can cook
• Men who insist and help me learn how to cook
• Men who have a mind of their own
• Men who are gentlemen
• Men who wont be threatened by me
• Men who recognized that I am a Empress
  Men are in the process of getting their shit together
• Family men
• Men who havent been arrested
• Men who can tell me whats wrong with my car
• Men who are fun
• Men who play fight
  

The list is long but I dont think that the things that Im asking for are out of reach. I fit into all the aforementioned categories. I mean, really, is it too much to ask for someone who is equally yoked???

thats all i got for now...