Recollection

Life always amazes me. Im always "thrown for a loop". But Im most in awe at the minor details rather than the bigger picture. I get excited over the little things...like the first time a child calls my name (which happened yesterday. I was trying to get my friends 2 year old daughter to say Dana and point to me and she wouldnt do it, then while I was strapping her into her car seat, she said it) or the first time I hold a new baby. I get fascinated by the first butterfly that I see in the spring time and the amber color of the leaves in the fall. My world is full of minor details that I focus in on....I am most in awe by memories. Like that of soap in my eyes while being washed up, getting zipped up to my neck, like having to sit at the dinner table and write my vocabulary words 5 times, write definitions and then write a sentence. I think one of the worst diseases is Alzheimer's. Not only because you dont remember people that you've know for years, but also because you cant remember the minor things in life that made your heart smile. For me, its little occurrence that happen along my day that pushes me to keep going. then I remember those little things when I feel like I cant make it any more. Yea the future is important but the past is VITAL. Thats why no matter what happens, I love life. Each day, each hour, each minute is a new opportunity to make more memories, and therefore more reasons to smile. Even if I loose a hour, a day or a moment, I can always rely on memories and then it hits me that I always have today therefore I have gained more time...

Its important

Its important...that at all times..I practice the following...

• patience
• peace
• inspiration
• love
• care
• tenderness
• humility
• gratitude
• stregnth
• knowledge
• weakness
• discipline
• growth
• inspired
• joy
• diligence
• trust

No matter how hard it gets..

FYI

I was never single because I was never good enough; rather I was single because none of you fuckers were good enough for me. Believe that when Im ready, stable and someone matches me, then it will happen the way it should.

Happy Wednesday!!!! :)

Weekend update

I had a really interesting weekend. Let me run it back proper....
Friday- 6:10 p.m. I went to go see Capitalism, A love story. It was very very good. Very liberal but very very good, in my opinion. I dont believe that Capitalism is fair. I actually believe that it is a major contributing force to the destruction of this "great" country. I feel bad for those of us who are STRUGGLING and WORKING sooo hard while trying to attain this so called American dream....the American dream is just that, a dream. Everyone has the power to make it their reality but those who want it the baddest often fall on their face. Its too bad. I dont have a rendition of the American Dream-I have my own dream that has nothing to do with America...to work in the non-profit sector for a organization that focuses on education or children. I want a husband and 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girls. I want a house in a middle class neighborhood, 2 regular ass, good running, dont-eat-up gas, cars, and to go to sleep most nights feeling secure about my job, my family and myself. Its that simple. But back to Capitalism and this so called "Free Enterprise", I think its good in theory only and that we need to go back to the ways of our ancestors and focus more on uplifting our entire community together. If that means I gotta put more on my taxes so u can get better health care- so be it, cuz I know what its like to struggle....back to the date, we went to see Capitalism, walked to the Capital, talked, chow down on some Chipotle and went our separate ways. It made me happy. He was a gentleman, the food and movie were good, and the conversation was good. This has potential....i'll keep u updated.
Saturday=AIDS walk. No, I didnt have money to contribute but I walked for the cause.I heard they raised somethin like 800,000.00. Thats good, seeing as how I couldnt contribute. I sat up, worked on a paper and waited for someone who I considered a friend to give me my DVDS back...to no avail I got a call 4 hours after he was suppose to come over. He never came...at no point this weekend. I want my Goofy Movie and Skeloton Key Movie. Maybe next weekend.
Sunday- Feed the homeless and hungry. Made me feel good. I only fed like 30 but at least I know 30 ppl were fed. Feeding the hungry humbles you. Its a constant reminder of what you life could be...and I met up with a olddddddddddd friend. Im talkin Delaware State University old. He and I have liked each other for years lol but neither of us has ever bust a move. He is staying on P street, I live on O. He came to my house and watched football and tickled me. I was reminded that love could be right around the corner, literally :)

Life

This is the only life I may ever have. It may get worse, it may get better-its all up to me. I make my own choices, nothing is dictated by any ones opinions, I dont judge folks, I get tired sometimes....Im human but I try to be a superwoman. I have big dreams and I work towards them. Sometimes I think that Im not good enough but I keep going because no one is gonna push me but myself. At the end of each day, I try to make myself a little bit better than I use to be. Im not too hard on my self but I know life isnt easy. I treat it as if its a gift and I try to be careful of who I allow into my space...a lot of people say they dont have regrets, well I do. If I could do some things over I would. If I could not meet some people who I allowed into my life I would. Fuck believing that everyone serves a purpose blah blah blah, everyone doesnt. If they did you would know it-some people are purposeless, in my opinion...I guess I am nothing but a semi-empty glass filled with nothing but possibilities. But I wont break, even if I fall, and I do fall more than most. What gets me up every morning is the possibilities that lie ahead. Im in awe only that things that are marvelous to me. I only pay attention to the worthy. This world, America, is nothing more than an illusion of a cohesive community, in reality all we have is ourselves and if you fuck up, its on you because this is the only life you may ever have...

Dont look backk..

Literally, I get startled by the smallest occurrences… My concentration becomes easily broken, focus becomes fractured with the tiniest crack splitting my attention – but never completely shattered it...You see, I can just as easily get back on track…However, I can’t help but wonder why these distractions, that are neither here nor there, have such a profound affect on me…Is it coincidental that these occurrences always occur behind me? I always look, become startled, and continue to gaze behind me until I remember to focus on the present…It’s almost as if, im not looking forward to the future as much as I should…Why is it that I dwell on the past?

Asswipe.Muskrat.Platypus.Dirtbaggg

Drunken Afternoons:
Last summer I went on a hideous date. I was talkin to this dude...we'll call him muskrat. Muskrat calls me and was like you tryin to go to the mall, Im like sure. I meet him at his apartment and we ride to pentagon city. Whole time he has this water bottle and is takin sips of it. We walk around for a bit and decide we are going to go to the movies afterward. He says "lets go to the food court real quick" Im like okay. We go to Mccy D's and I get myself some food and all he gets is some juice. We sit down and Im like, all you want is juice? you already have water! He is like this isnt water...and he puts some of what looks like water in the cup of juice. Im sittin there watchin him and I slowwwwwwwwwwly realized that he does...not...have...water...ITS VODKA! He is busy getting drunk on what I thought was a date. OMG OMG OMG. Asswipe. Muskrat. Platypus. Dirtbaggggggg. That is where the date ended


Free Movie Pass Havin Ass:
This summer, last weekend to be exact, I go out with a different guy...we'll call him scrub. Scrub CALLS ME, I dont call him, and asks what im doin. Im like nothin, wassup. He is like we should hang out. Im like okay, what do you wanna do. He says, lets go to the movies. Okayyyy. Im thinkin we can meet at Gallery Place but he says he will come out to Largo. Now, in case you dont know, Largo is ghetto and full of kids. Gallery Place is a lot better. So he gets on the train and I meet him in Largo. We stand in line. He has on a really cute outfit, might I add. We get closer to the front and Im stading in front of him. I think to myself, maybe I should pull out my wallet, so I do. I also think that he is going to tell me to put it back...after all, it is a first date and he asked me out. He doesnt ask me to put it back. So I go ahead and pay for my movie ticket. One for Bruno please. I get my ticket and step asside. Why oh whyyyy does he pull out a free movie pass. A FREE MOVIE PASS. He doesnt pay for my ticket or his!!!! WTF WTF WTF. Asswipe. Muskrat. Platypus. Dirthbaggggg. After the movie he asked, "when ima see you again". Never!!! How the fuck are you gonna pull out a coupan for YOURSELF on a first date and nottt even hook me up. WTF

-Reminder to self...NO SCRUBS!

Utter Bullshit

Let me start by saying what is not okay: People who try to influence children with a one sided ideology of government, history and other social issues. There is no way that this is okay. However this is what is occurring in Texas. Apparently, the school board has hired conservative experts to help them to change and improve the curriculum within their public schools. These experts would like to erase all kinds of civil rights leaders from the history books- people like Caesar Chavez and Thurgood Marshall.Evidently people like Thurgood Marshall are “not qualified” to be in the history books. Let me give you some quotes:
• "To have César Chávez listed next to Ben Franklin" – as in the current standards – "is ludicrous," wrote evangelical minister Peter Marshall
• “[Thurgood] Marshall is just not a STRONG enough example” said Peter Marshall
Soo lets address the “unqualified” argument. My question is, if Chavez and Thurgood arent qualified, who is?? Lets look at Thurgood for a moment. He overcame his own discrimination within his own life. He rectified discrimination through his accomplishments as lawyer who won Brown v. Board of Education. Then, if that’s not enough, he becomes the first African American judge in our supreme courts and works to change discrimination across the nation. Chavez-And he isn’t qualified to be in our history books? His accomplishments arent good enough? What more does he have to do, except be white…but I digress.

Even more appalling, there is another quote from Barton, Former Vice Chair of Texas Republican party
• because the U.S. is a republic rather than a democracy, the proper adjective for identifying U.S. values and processes should be "republican" rather than "democratic." That means social studies books should discuss "republican" values in the U.S., his report said.I have a serious problem with reinforcing “republican values” within the public school system. I have an even bigger problem with erasing key people who absolutely deserve to be remembered for their accomplishments and sacrifices. Social studies is suppose to be a reflection of the progression of social issues in our nation. It should not be an area that simply highlights a set group of iconic Americans, who just so happens to look alike. Thurgood Marshall is unquestionably one of the most influential Americans of the twentieth century. How can one argue otherwise? School children should be inspired civil rights leaders such as he as well as leaders such as Medger Evers, Fannie Lou Hammer, and Rosa Parks. To disregard the accomplishments of pivotal leaders, to withhold important historical information, and enforce a one sided perspective and account of our progression definitely encourages us to move backwards as a nation.

Whites only pool

Two weeks ago outside Philadelphia, 65 children from a summer camp tried to go swimming at a club that their camp had a contract to use. Apparently, the people at the club didn't know that the group of kids was predominantly Black. When the campers entered the pool, White parents allegedly took their kids out of the water, and the swimming club's staff asked the campers to leave. The next day, the club told the summer camp that their membership would be canceled and that their payment would be refunded. When asked why, the club's manager said that a lot of kids "would change the complexion ... and the atmosphere of the club."1 A "Whites only" pool in 2009 should not be tolerated. The club's actions appear to be a violation of section 1981 of the Civil Rights Act.2 Whether or not any laws were violated, a "Whites only" pool should be something every American condemns. Please join us in doing exactly that, and please email your friends and family and invite them to do the same. Your signature will also be used to call on the Department of Justice to evaluate suing the facility under federal law. It takes just a moment to do both, here: http://www.colorofchange.org/swim/?id=1629-827102Obama is President but that doesn't mean that suddenly all is fine when it comes to race in America. This is a vivid reminder of what we know still lies beneath the surface. We all know stories like this one -- similar incidents play out quietly every day in different communities across the country. The difference in this case is that folks got caught and there was a contract in place that makes for a potentially illegal act. Standing up now isn't just about making things right for these kids in Philadelphia or bringing consequences to this swim club (called the Valley Swim Club). It's about creating a climate of accountability everywhere. If we can publicly shame the Valley Swim Club and hold them accountable for this incident, it will make others think twice before engaging in what appears to be blatant discrimination. Please join us in condemning the Valley Swim Club's behavior and calling on the Justice Department to investigate whether they violated civil rights laws. And please ask your friends and family to do the same. http://www.colorofchange.org/swim/?id=1629-827102
Thanks and Peace, --
James, Gabriel, William, Dani and the rest of the ColorOfChange.org team

Daydreaming of love

Its a lazy afternoon
The evening breeze is about to blow
I inhale calmly while daydreaming
Exhale nice a slow


I release inhabitions
I let go of fear
I touch the surface for solitude
And and this is what I hear...


The crys of my ancestors
The joys of my neice
The war in Iraq
The prayer for peace
The calmness of water
The chaos of wind
The love of each other
The shakles of disappointment
The dodgeball in the park
The burgers on the grill
The tracing of my history
The way love feels

The way love feels

Anything beyond love
I dont see or understand
I embrace my lazy afternoon
And dream about Egyptian sand
Inhale
Exhale
Tighten up
Let go
The world is constantly spinning
So I twirl in a field of flowers
As I learn to just let it flow

Moments in Time

I've realized how significant and equally insignificant certain moments are.
We pick them out like cherries in a sundae and eat them whole...moments that were painful are remembered, dissected and extracted, bringing us negativity and pain. why do they matter. Out of everything else happening, out of the good that goes over looked in our lives, why does the bad moments even matter. They are cherished like an award, dwelled upon and relived through our emotions when we think about them. We ignore the humor in children who say simple words in funny ways, we ignore the luxuries of a warm breeze on a summer night, we ignore the yummyness (lol) of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and grape juice, we ignore the good that we have in our lives and become distraught at the mere thought of a moment in time. A moment in the past. A moment that should not matter anymore.
I am trying to move past the utter bullshit that I have experienced and stop over looking my blessings. I am trying to forgive and move on.

God help me to look at the bigger picture...

Bitchassness

GRRRRR let me start by saying that I heard a great quote once- "females are bitchy every week, its just that when they are on their period, they have an excuse". Perhaps.

Anyways- i have to ge this off my chest. I absolutely,positively hate when people go on facebook and decide to put up pictures of every aspect of their fabulous lives. Like if you have a awesome weekend, you post the shoes you wore, the drinks you drank, the time that it was, et cetera instead of just you and who ever was with you smiling. Do you have to post everything??? It shows up in my mini feed and it annoys me....
Also, i must say it, and maybe I feel this way because Im locking my hair and dont feel quite as pretty, but Beyonce is starting to get on my nerves too. Shes perfect. How can me, a normal yet interesting black woman compete or even co-exsist with this beautiful, talented, freak of nature who constantly reminds us of how inadequate and lacking we are. Noww, she is parading around in these body suites, that us ordinary women cant just wear all willy nilly, and her long luscious hair and even skin. She is impossible..and impossible standard of beauty that is older than me. Wayyyyy older. At least Tyra shows her flaws so we can all wipe the sweat off our forehead. GRRRR beyonce!
Finally...let me tell you all about the sick joke that was played on me by my ex boyfriend. He text me and said that at the very least we could trade movies. I went to his house, we went out, a friendly closer type of outing that included a meal. By the end of the night I stretched my arms and said well this is it...ohh where is my movie (i had already given him his). Whyyyyy did he not have it. Why the fuck did he have me under the impression that I was getting it. This was suppose to be like a closure type of thing and nowwww the process is being prolonged. He thought it was funny. It was a sick joke

If my life was ever turned into a music video, this would be it....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kYo5qxFODU

Pop off or wait?

Have you ever been angry? Like really angry. Like you can feel a physical change in your body. Like you heart rate increases, you tummy feels like there are tennis balls bouncing around in it, your throat feels like you've just dry swallowed a pill. Likeeeeeee you need to say something to someone. Sometime hurtful, something that will serve as a adequet counteract to what you are feeling. Its like your mind goes blank for a while and then you feel a sudden burst of emotion...im fuckin angry. There are certain people that I absolutely refuse to talk to again, ever. People amaze and shock the hell out of me. Life scares me, because shit is just literally thrown at you and you have to take it. And you have so many choices. You can be silent, you can be loud, you can preoccupy your time, you can be distructive, you can brush it off, you can overwork yourself, you can underwork yourself, you can over eat, you can undersleep...you can do a lot of things. Or you can wait. I ususally choose to wait. But this right here, may call for me to pop off. Wait or pop off...wait or pop off...either way something is gonna happen. GRRRRR people. Fuck my life. I think Im actually a little hurt. Show emotion or hide it. wait or pop off. UGGHHHH people. I have terrible choices in men. Thats what it boils down to. I am horrible at choosing men. I may just adopt a child and not have a husband. Why? Because i dont know how to pick em. HMMMMM people. Im gonna wait, unless Im challenge, then I'll pop off. And Im not gonna show any emotion....