Detachment

When I was 9 years I got married to who I thought would be my elementary school sweetheart, Sanjeet. He and I got married at recess. He made me a flower ring by tying the stem of the flower to make a circle. We broke up later on because our fake son told me that he was cheating on me with this thick girl named Reginae. Our fake son lied....that was my first break up. Since then there has been

1. Soccer
2. D. Rob
3. Batts
4. Mike
5. Mr. Carter
6. Swales

Five out of six of the aforementioned relationships ended up with me getting my feelings hurt. Thats not okay. And five out of six of them, I actually put forth effort to try to rekindle or make things work out. I still pushed for the idea of a possibility instead of accepting the natural way that things were suppose to happen. For instance, D. Rob, my boyfriend from 10th to 12th grade really did me a favor by breaking up with me...now, he is working at some mortician place with a 2 yr old daughter and baby mama who apparently had sex with one of his friends. I dont talk to him often at all but he doesnt seem to have it all. If I woulda stayed with him, i would be that baby mama-ugh. I would not have been able to access my own power and potential because his bad luck and energy would have rubbed off on my, like it does when sex happends, and I too would have been unsuccessful at age 21. It took for him to transfer school for me to completely detach myself from him. Just like I am beginning to see that I will have to do with each of my other exes. I need to focus soley on self and stop putting forth effort to shit that i know is not going to work out. Im bouta stop fighting for shit that isnt fighting for me.

Sooo Im making a resolution, in light of my new found single, black womanhood, I will date:

• No scrubs lol
• Men who commit to me as much as I commit to them
  Men who wipe their own ass
• Men who inspire me, not so much as the other way around
• Men who match my fly
• Men who dont try to be cool
• Men who are cool with out effort
  Men who like Malcolm X, etc.
  Men who aspire to work in leadership positions
• Men who can dance as good as I can
• Men who can talk about politics
• Men who can cook
• Men who insist and help me learn how to cook
• Men who have a mind of their own
• Men who are gentlemen
• Men who wont be threatened by me
• Men who recognized that I am a Empress
  Men are in the process of getting their shit together
• Family men
• Men who havent been arrested
• Men who can tell me whats wrong with my car
• Men who are fun
• Men who play fight
  

The list is long but I dont think that the things that Im asking for are out of reach. I fit into all the aforementioned categories. I mean, really, is it too much to ask for someone who is equally yoked???

thats all i got for now...

BET Awards..

Dear BET,
You have officially dropped the ball

• Lets call it what it is- A tribute to Michael Jackson show. Its not an awards show when you only give out 5 awards
• Lil waynes messed up Drakes performance by using 10 year old little girls as back up dancers doin the chicken head on stage while he was sayin that he "wishes he could fuck every girl in the world"
• Beyonce spoke no english during her performance and revealed her wedding dress.
• baby boy skit went toooooo far. it wasnt funny anymore
• jamie foxx performed 4 times and promoted tour dates- unprofessional. Additionally he almost bust his ass on stage trying to moon walk
• They didnt announce the nominees for any of the awards...but this is an awards show right, right
• Let me just say that everyone can not do Michael Jackson. This is in fashion and dance...Kerri Hilson, Im talkin to you
• Don Cornelius drooled....i digress

There were long pauses and piss poor editing. The entire show was a mess. Im over it

First Date...

Sooo Im single...No worries. Im dating...worries. A first date is like a 3 hour interview, except there is food and drinks. Nevertheless they can be awkward and everyone wants to seem appealing. Its like you dont want to give too much of yourself away but you want to show enough of yourself so that they can distinguish you, and they dont get you fucked up with someone else. You want them to be intrigued. Its a lot to think about. Not to mention, you have to pay attention to them, to see if you even like them enough to allow them to escort you to another date. When in doubt, there are certain things that I think you should pay attention to. Im no dating expert, my 21st bday wasnt even a week ago but I have gathered some lessons over the years.

Pay close attention to:

1. Shoe size
Self explanatory. Dating doesnt necessarily lead to sex. However most people who date are either looking for a relationship or looking for someone to have sex with. Most men seem to be lookin for someone to have sex with and most women seem to be lookin for a relationship. Either way, if it comes to it, the best thing is to have an idea of whats what. Sex is important and is often underestimated. So dont neglect the shoe size...

2. How he pulls out his money
Tells you something about his swagg, if he values a dollar and how messy or neat his life is. If he has a nicely stack of dollars in a money clip or suitable wallet, its a good thing. More than likely, he is a neat bachelor who organizes everything down to his money. Also he values and accounts for dollar he earns. Jumbled up ones and fives in his pocket that are unattractive. He will prolly look at you when the dinner bill comes and say "I thought I had a twenty". No my brother, unacceptable.

3. How he controls the conversation
Does he have anything to say? Is he intelligent? Or is he nice looking brick wall. Furthermore does he carry the conversation. Does he take control of it but leaves room for you to interject, exchange thoughts and speak? If he takes control of something as minuet as a conversation, then you shouldnt have to worry about making small decisions like picking a place to go out. Also, he may possibly take control in other places that you may want to let him take the lead on. If he is able to execute a conversation then he is able to execute masculinity and let you sit back and be a woman. I prefer that.

Got anything to add?

Spring Cleaning

I febrezed with the air effects
Wit the lemon smell
You know the kind
But it wasn’t enough
Images of you were everyone, not only on my mind

So
I swept (disappointment)
I scrubbed (frustration)
I threw away (false anticipations)
I took the trash out (items that remind me of you)…of the house and backyard (including your tee-shirt and shorts)
And there you were
Still
You wont just bow gracefully
And leave
So I tucked away (feelings)
I vacuumed (hope)
I dusted (fear)
I sprayed some Ajax, mixed with Mr. clean mixed with Scrubbing bubbles
And then I let it sit
And sit
And sit
On the surface It looked clean
But I knew it was dirty as shit
So this is it
I wiped one good time
Then two good times
Then a third
I squeezed my filthy rag
Over the sink
Then I looked back at what was a mess
And it all became clear
And now
Like right now
I don’t even smell you
Hear you
Feel you
Taste you
See you
Nor the stain that we both thought you left

SOI (Statement of Intent)

90% of women want the same things out of their serious relationships...reciprocated commitment, romance, intensity, premium value and respect, perhaps mutual love and TLC. After we get all of this we still arent satisfied. Nothing seems to please us more than the "title". Not necessarily, my girlfriend title but maybe "my baby's mama" if it applies, "my girl" will do, "my baby" can suffice. Everyone wants to be professed as something and everyone loves a title. Men wont admit it but they themselves thrive off of titles. They are soooo set on who they are, what type of man they are, et cetera. Its the difference between Sean Carter and Jay Z, Sean Combs, Puff Daddy and P.Diddy, the difference between a daddy and a Father. Titles mean something special and to be professed as my friend or this is _______ means that, that is exactly who you are, nothing more, nothin less. Even if you are introduced to his mama, his friends, his co workers, you are nothing more than the title, the introduction that he has given you. He isnt claiming you as his own, has not put the notice that you are taken, has not given no special signal or red light that is code for OFFLIMITS. Nothing. And in my mind, if after about a year of receiving nothing more than the friend title, then maybe he has no real plans for being with you any time soon and is probably preoccupied with something else- a woman, a job, comfort in his lifestyle where he doesnt have to commit to you. Whatever the issue is, it is out of your control.
As women, we give and give til it aint nothin left. We are generous, considerate, patient and nurturing and subconsciously try to prove that we are "the one". I say subconsciously because usually it is without effort. And we hold on until we feel that we cant physically, mentally AND emotionally do so anymore. At a certain point the title is important to some of us because it says something. It makes an important statement, a statement of intent.