Dear heart

Dear Heart

I know I've put you thru a lot. The next person who comes along will be worth it.

Long gone are the days where I put my heart on a sleeve and not a pedistal. No, Im not going through anything and no, my heart isnt broken…I'm just realizing the damage I've done to myself. I put myself last in many of my relationships and I have been comfortable with it. Not too comfortable where I take massive amounts of bullshit but comfortable enough where i take bullshit and excuse it. When I am in a relationship (whatever that word means) I put y all into it. Then it hits me that its over and just like that, its over. When love flies out the window, I dont go lookin to see where it went and when opportunity comes knocking on my door, I open it. So i never give myself enough time to heal or reflect…and the cycle continues. So this is a shout out to my heart for always having faith that I will get it right.

Ages

I really dislike this age...
The age where everyone says, "So what are your plans after college"... the age where you're in desperate search of the perfect job... the age where you want to move but cant because your so broke... the age where you start thinking about freshman and sophomore year of college and then it hits you, damn im gettin old... the age where ya mama wants to know who you're seeing so she can calculate how long it will take for it to get serious, him to propose and for her to "finally have grand kids"... the age where your college loans creep up to haunt you... the age where u cant decide if you want to live at home after college or continue to struggle and live on ur own... the age where the world is at your fingertips but you still feel limited... the age where graduation is nothin but a hop, skip and diploma away... the age where you remind yourself to cherish each moment of college because everyone knows "its gonna be the best 4-5 years of your life!"smh... the age where the real world is not just knockin but literally bangin at your door... the age where you get carded and dont know how to feel about it... the age where ur youre young but you look at your little cousins and know that your getting old... the age where you optimistically blow out 22 candles and wonder: at what age does life stop getting better and start getting better or worse???

Welcome Back

So yes, I've returned from my haitus (not that I think ppl really pay attention to by blog). Im currently focused on Chiptole, grad school, undergrad, finding a job, chuck taylors and my locs...not necessarily in that order. This past weekend was fun. Went to Love, smh, it was HU's graduation, smh, soo ppl were cuttin up, smh, ima leave it like that. Mothers Day was cool.
OH
My car got stolen on Thursday...great. and my insurance only covers liability...even better. www.fml.com.
Its all good tho, worse things could have happend...i guess. So yea im back, the saga continues

Thoughts

Thoughts of the unknown
Thoughts of what could be
Thoughts of dissatisfaction
Thoughts of insecurities
Thoughts of me
Going under the knife, inspired by your thoughts of beauty
Spitting in the creators face with each thought of being a Barbie
Never consider that I can be a constillation and not just a 5 star chick
In that case beauty is manufactored, we should think about being authentic
Thoughts of the unknown
Thoughts of what could be
Thoughts of eternal love
Thoughts of you loving me
Imagine me
Never thinking about loving myself as a possibility
An empty vessel
Waiting to be fulfilled, I think you can complete me
Never considering the fact that you cant go into a relationship half-heartedly
Half the woman I was when I met him, when he leaves I be less than 50
Thoughts of the unknown
Thoughts of what could be
Thoughts of expectations
Thoughts of equality
They got you thinkin, we live in a "post racial society"
A phrase made by them so they could live more comfortably
Thoughts of yes "we" can
But who are we?
So use to loosing, we'll take any victory
The idea that we've made it
Collect $500 and pass go
We still on Broadway
Black faces and cake walks, little do "we" know
Thoughts of the unknown
Thoughts of what could be
Thought I wrote this for you
These are thoughts I wrote for me

Still growin

My love
What did I do
To make you fall
So far from me?

And now I cant recall
The cause of the fall
Selective memory

Then you, you built a wall
A 20 foot wall
So I couldnt see

If I get off my knees
I might recall
Im 20 feet tall
-Erykah Badu

I know I've been away...but Im back [and so is she]