Thursday, July 8, 2010

More About Nothing...

I was a late bloomer. It wasnt until I met this guy in high school...he and I didnt actually meet...rather our paths crossed...via the radio. He spoke to me. After I heard him I was never the same. I started listening to him more and more. Then, I started listening to his counterparts, others who did the same things he did. People like Nas, the Roots, Taalib...all kinds of guys. In a sense, I became a ho because I listened to different folks all the time. But nevertheless, I always remembered my first love, the one who took my hip hop virginity....his name was none other than...Wale...

Since then, my affections have grown. Recently, he took a hiatus...he was no where to be found for 3 months...he even missed my birthday...but today, he released this:

And now...all is good with the world

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Raheem Devaughn - The Love Experience

The love experience is a ongoing flow of trial and error. Nevertheless we should all experience the love thru others, take the good with the bad, and allow love and life to take its course...

Friday, June 11, 2010

Love letters

You can easily be described as the exclamation point to my run on sentences. I can go on and on for days but when I see your face, everything stops...I guess I have Malcolm X to thank, for changing your life and therefore changing mine. A sort of ripple affect, so to say. You see you have me now, but I've come to understand that it is very likely that you have had me then, way back when we would see each other in passing or were simply in the same space with one another; its possible that I have always been yours. I think back to days when we would be surround by people but were always drawn to one another...you have always been there and so have I. My affection has sense grown tremendously and now find myself in a what can only be described as bliss, defined as a cause of great happiness or great joy. But most of all, Im appreciative and faithful...
Weeks ago, I told myself that I can be of some sort of help to you, that your personal growth would be easier if you had me as a close friend to push you. How arrogant of me. Only recently it occurred to me that you will impact my life in the same ways, if not more, than I would impact yours. My problem was that I am comfortable in my comfort zone, i seemingly have my shit together and dont have to answer to anyone, and when I was content-not quite happy and not quite sad but content. Because of this, I confused progress with sustainability, I was simply maintaining. Its no coincidence that I have wrote poetry for the last 9 years of my life and the first time that I recited anything was in your presence; its no coincidence that the summer before my true journey into adulthood begins, you are here with me and encouraging me to be a stronger, more holy woman; its no coincidence that I reached out to only you the last time that I cried, usually I reach into myself and dont let my guard down or shed a tear in front of anyone. How arrogant of me to believe that this union had nothing to do with my needs...that I had the upper hand.
There is no better feeling than to look into your eyes and see truth. There is no better feeling than to look into your eyes and see compassion. There is no better feeling than to look into your eyes and see my reflection and know that we are building the foundation of something special and lifelong. So I wrote this love letter to tell you what you have meant to me, that I am loyal and honest to you and that I am grateful for you.

Dana H.

GOOD MORNING

Good Morning face!
Good Morning eyes!
Good Morning Newspaper!
Good Morning Lies!
Good Morning grandmas phone calls at 7 am!
Good Morning text messages from my best friend!
Good Morning alarm clock
Good Morning birds outside
Good Morning drool
Good Morning crust in my eyes
Good Morning tummy
your growl is scary
Good Morning locs
you sure are lookin hairy
Good Morning shower
I know you missed me
Good Morning sisters and brothers
GOOD MORNNG UBIQUITY
Good Morning love
Good Morning life
Good Morning heartache
Good Morning strife
Good Morning lover
twitter, I mean
Good Morning facebook
Im still on your team
Good Morning pizza for breakfast
Good Morning HU
Good Morning raised tuition
Aint nothin new
Good Morning morning, it coulda been worse
Good Morning morning, you made it here first
But afternoon is coming
And when thats thru
I'll have to say Good Night to you

Touch the Sky - AHM #2

The saying- "you have to crawl before you walk" is all to familar. Today I can confidently say that I dont believe in it. In the grand scheme of things, this saying calls for one to settle...crawling often means for you to aim low and then build yourself up. But if you know what you want and you think that you can do what you want, why not aim for the top. Why cant we have everything we want when we think we are ready for it. If im fresh out of college and I think that I would make a wonderful community organizer, why not go for that very position. When people aim low, they sometimes get comfortable and cease to ever reach the stars; their drive decreases; and ultimately, they are okay with not being all that they could be and living up to their God given potential...its problematic.
In short, we need to stop being scared to aim high. Instead, we need to make sure we are prepared, take the necessary steps to attain the goal and go for it. When you position yourself for mediocracy, its exactly what you get. Sometimes you have to go out on faith and position your life in a way where success is the only option....

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

AH HA Moment- Marriage friendships

Im starting something new. Its called my "Ah ha moment". I'm hoping that I can challenge myself to figure out a problem and confront it, all in the same post. I need this because I dont do well with interpersonal conversations-I need to feel like Im talking to someone, even if I am saying this to myself. You are my audience right now so, I will talk to you (although its advice that Im giving to myself). So I hope you enjoy....

AH HA MOMENT NO. 1

I have done it, and if you are a female, you have probably done it too...its a common issue...we have approached our relationships, as if they were marriage.

Women, who someday want to get married, work extra hard to hide flaws, be the ideal woman, and end up treating their man like a husband. Sometimes he may not even be your "boyfriend" but you will make him a special priority. Why? Because you cant distinguish between being a friend, a girlfriend, and a wife. For some of us, all 3 of these titles mean the same thing-and they shouldnt.

How can someone appreciate you as their wife when you act the same as when you were just their girlfriend...why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free???
Truth of the matter is that there is a line, and we disrespect it, cross it, ignore it, all the time.

Dont treat any ol man as you would your husband. Especially if he doesnt treat you like his wife. Dont let any ol man put his dusty shoes all over your welcome mat, then step into your house. Be careful of who you let in and to what extent. Allow people the opportunity to prove themselves.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Dear heart

Dear Heart
I know I've put you thru a lot. The next person who comes along will be worth it.

Long gone are the days where I put my heart on a sleeve and not a pedistal. No, Im not going through anything and no, my heart isnt broken…I'm just realizing the damage I've done to myself. I put myself last in many of my relationships and I have been comfortable with it. Not too comfortable where I take massive amounts of bullshit but comfortable enough where i take bullshit and excuse it. When I am in a relationship (whatever that word means) I put y all into it. Then it hits me that its over and just like that, its over. When love flies out the window, I dont go lookin to see where it went and when opportunity comes knocking on my door, I open it. So i never give myself enough time to heal or reflect…and the cycle continues. So this is a shout out to my heart for always having faith that I will get it right.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Ages

I really dislike this age...
The age where everyone says, "So what are your plans after college"... the age where you're in desperate search of the perfect job... the age where you want to move but cant because your so broke... the age where you start thinking about freshman and sophomore year of college and then it hits you, damn im gettin old... the age where ya mama wants to know who you're seeing so she can calculate how long it will take for it to get serious, him to propose and for her to "finally have grand kids"... the age where your college loans creep up to haunt you... the age where u cant decide if you want to live at home after college or continue to struggle and live on ur own... the age where the world is at your fingertips but you still feel limited... the age where graduation is nothin but a hop, skip and diploma away... the age where you remind yourself to cherish each moment of college because everyone knows "its gonna be the best 4-5 years of your life!"smh... the age where the real world is not just knockin but literally bangin at your door... the age where you get carded and dont know how to feel about it... the age where ur youre young but you look at your little cousins and know that your getting old... the age where you optimistically blow out 22 candles and wonder: at what age does life stop getting better and start getting better or worse???

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Welcome Back

So yes, I've returned from my haitus (not that I think ppl really pay attention to by blog). Im currently focused on Chiptole, grad school, undergrad, finding a job, chuck taylors and my locs...not necessarily in that order. This past weekend was fun. Went to Love, smh, it was HU's graduation, smh, soo ppl were cuttin up, smh, ima leave it like that. Mothers Day was cool.
OH
My car got stolen on Thursday...great. and my insurance only covers liability...even better. www.fml.com.
Its all good tho, worse things could have happend...i guess. So yea im back, the saga continues

Thoughts

Thoughts of the unknown
Thoughts of what could be
Thoughts of dissatisfaction
Thoughts of insecurities
Thoughts of me
Going under the knife, inspired by your thoughts of beauty
Spitting in the creators face with each thought of being a Barbie
Never consider that I can be a constillation and not just a 5 star chick
In that case beauty is manufactored, we should think about being authentic
Thoughts of the unknown
Thoughts of what could be
Thoughts of eternal love
Thoughts of you loving me
Imagine me
Never thinking about loving myself as a possibility
An empty vessel
Waiting to be fulfilled, I think you can complete me
Never considering the fact that you cant go into a relationship half-heartedly
Half the woman I was when I met him, when he leaves I be less than 50
Thoughts of the unknown
Thoughts of what could be
Thoughts of expectations
Thoughts of equality
They got you thinkin, we live in a "post racial society"
A phrase made by them so they could live more comfortably
Thoughts of yes "we" can
But who are we?
So use to loosing, we'll take any victory
The idea that we've made it
Collect $500 and pass go
We still on Broadway
Black faces and cake walks, little do "we" know
Thoughts of the unknown
Thoughts of what could be
Thought I wrote this for you
These are thoughts I wrote for me

Still growin

My love
What did I do
To make you fall
So far from me?

And now I cant recall
The cause of the fall
Selective memory

Then you, you built a wall
A 20 foot wall
So I couldnt see

If I get off my knees
I might recall
Im 20 feet tall
-Erykah Badu

I know I've been away...but Im back [and so is she]

Friday, April 23, 2010

Up-dates

School officially ended for me yesterday...so I can blog again

Randoms:

1. I joined the blackberry team

2. I wore my HU shirt at work today and a lady told me I looked like I was in the 6th grade...then she asked me if I was mad....I guess she was trying to upset me. I guess I would be wrong if I told her that she looked 60...

3. I need money

4. Got a letter saying that my health insurance gets cut off when i turn 20.
5.


Random Number 1: I have never been a technology person. I've never cared about phones, as long as it gets the job done. I was recently encouraged to step my game up and get a new phone instead of settling for whatever. So i stepped it up and got a blackberry. I name her, Penelope. I got her a hot pink case and try to be veryyyy careful with her...its working out well

Random Number 2: I've recently concluded that old women have a bit of jealously towards younger women and therefore, they say mean things with a smile. Old women know that they are excuse and can say whatever and younger women should be respectful. So the older lady who said I looked like a 6th grader and then asked me if she upset me, was trying to. And she was jealous-jealous that she is no longer youthful and didnt go to HU (the real one). Woosah

Random Number 3: Howard University is a microcosm of Corporate America, become rich by feeding off the poor. Its a sick joke

Random Number 4: Yes, I know that with Obamas new HC plan, I should be straight until im 25. Why they sent my dad this notice saying that Im bouta be dropped? I dont know. He doesnt seem concerned either. I guess Im the only one who is nervous about the possibility of not having health insurance...I'll keep u posted on how the cookie crumbles

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Interdependence

Sooo my freshman year of college, my suitemates and I threw a "Niggas aint shit party" to celebrate the break up of one of my suitemates and her boyfriend. We ate and talked about female independance, not needing anyone. Now fastforward, 3years later, Im wayyy more independent and self suffeciant- i would like to think that I dont need anyone, that "niggas aint shit" but i dont at all. Its ignorance to me now.
We are social creatures...we need each other for growth, love, and support, just like animals. How well would you know yourself if no one knew you???
#kanyeshrug #whatdoiknow

Monday, March 8, 2010

Wanted

Its possible that I am asking for a lot.
I would like someone who is on my level. Who is struggling to get to where they want to go, but not complacent with their current situation. Someone who doesnt mind payin for a date or two, pickin me up from time to time. Someone who reads, cares about kids, and is diligent. Someone who can sit around and listen to Raheem DaVaughn with me and bake cookies with me. Someone who is compassionate, listens, and feels comfortable with me.
I would like a career that leads to promotions. One where I get a long with my co-workers. One that forces me to think and be creative. One that positively influences someone. One that fosters personal and professional growth. One that isnt necessarily stress free but doesnt make me want to quit. One that is normal and stable.
I want a home that is minee. One that I am responsible. One that I decorate. One that is rodent and insect free. One that includes nice neighbors. One that makes me proud. One that i love and loves me back...
Its possible that I am asking for a lot-but this is what I want right now.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Kemet

1. Egyptians smoke a lot of cigaretts

2. Egyptians think that all American visitors are rich. and maybe we are

3. Egyptians dont have alarm clocks and dont care about not having a concept of times.


...this time last year, I was on my way to Kemet....

Monday, January 4, 2010

Here goes it

Ten things I wish I could say to ten different people

10. Im a history major, and one thing that I've learned is that history always repeats itself. Our past has had a funny way of reinforcing this theory. There is a common pattern with us that never works out. So I opt to just be friends and accept it for what it is. You amaze me when you play the victim role but I now see that its just you. And maybe i dont take as much responsibility as I should...but such is life. Just know that the last time, it hurt like hell...

9. You know that when it comes to friendship, you got that shit on lock. You are the most sincere, most loving and compassionate person I know. And whats funny is that youre a guy. Thanks for staying my best friend and never judging me. (Its that Dirtyyyy Moneyyyyy)

8. When we first started talkin, I didnt think it would get as far as it got. At is peek, it was a mountain, and at its lowest, an ant hill. We go months without speaking, years without seeing, and I dont believe that just like that, we could be back in action like the good ol' days. The last time I saw you left me slightly uncomfortable and more confused. We've never even addressed the issues...like do WE forgive each other or did we just move on??

7. I know I've been a shitty aunt, I know. But when I get right I promise that you me and Zay are gonna live it up. No but seriously....

6. You surprise me...daily. There is no telling what this could ever blossom into. Nothin-ness??? Something-ness??? Right now, I think we're in limbo, somewhere floating between. I'm highly unsure about all of this, about you, your intentions, etc. But your confidence in the possibilities motivates me

5. Im sooo glad that you're back from that India/South Africa/ Argentinia voyage!!!! I honestly missed you.

4. I know im a shitty best friend, I know. But i think its mutual! WE dont make time for each other! Seems like things have been oddly distant for years now-You live youre life and I live mine. We dont talk about each others problems or we dont come to each other first when something funny happens. But no one knows me like you do; and i dont know if its vice versa but we gotta do better. Friendships are important, its the only thing the government isnt making more of.

3. Truth is, I never stopped caring about you- I just dont want to hurt you. So I dont get to close to you. But I appreciate when you text me every now and then to check on me-it means a lot some days.

2. I kinda thought we had something for a brief minute last year....maybe I was wrongggggg. We fell off but Jay and Bey sure havent

1. I think its funny that we're soo different but so close, I think our difference keep us friends. In a lot of ways I admire you..I think you're strong and bold. In some ways I wish I was more like you. Im glad that although I only see u like once a year (because u moved to cold ass Pennsylvania) we're still close friends.

NINE things about yourself

9. Im scared to sleep with my closet door open
8. I get headaches on only 1 side of my head
7. I dont have a set plan for my life, I just know what is not going to happen
6. I loveee to play fight and get tickled
5. I write poetry or random thoughts twice a week
4. I am either extremely comfortable or uncomfortable, rarely in between
3. I would rather have a phone conversation then text
2. I want to name my kids Zoe and Zaire
1. All of my ex boyfriends are different from each other, I dont have a "type"

EIGHT ways to win my heart

8. Call me, take initiative, be a man, pursue me, show me Im relevant and thought of
7. Inspire me, show me something new
6. Think of innovative dates
5. Flatter me
4. Be a gentleman (walk on the outside, let me walk first, etc)
3. COOK FOR ME!
2. Hug me for a awkwardly long time sometimes
1. Make me laugh (its not hard)

SEVEN things that cross my mind a lot (in no order)
7. Will I be as success as everyone thinks I will be?
6. Where am I going to live next year?
5. Where will I work when I graduate?
4. Love???
3. What will my next meal be?
2. Who will cook it?
1. What else is on my "to do list"

SIX random things i want to mention
6. Lil Wayne looks like a midget avatar
5. I walked into Target and saw Valentines Day stuff yesterday- i became immediately annoyed
4. Wassup B.Lat!
3. The space jams look pretty basic
2. I got a 4.0 last semester
1. Im bad at spelling and worse at math

FIVE people who me a lot to me
5. Low Down Patty Brown- my mama
4. Tia tia boe bia banana fanna foe fia me my mo mia...TIA
3. Kels, Mai and Jayyyyy
2. You.
1. Thurgood Marshall

Four things Im wearing right now
4. Headphones
3. Mitch match socks
2. Earrings
1. Pink toe nail polish

THREE songs that I listen to often
3. Single, Neyo
2. Diary, Wale
1. Ye-Yo, Erykah Badu

TWO Things I want to do before I die
2. Have Children
1. Start a non-profit

ONE Confession
1. I am what you would call a stand alone female. I am completely fine being by myself. But every now and then I wake up in the middle of the night wishing there was someone next to me...