Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Drunken Afternoons:
Last summer I went on a hideous date. I was talkin to this dude...we'll call him muskrat. Muskrat calls me and was like you tryin to go to the mall, Im like sure. I meet him at his apartment and we ride to pentagon city. Whole time he has this water bottle and is takin sips of it. We walk around for a bit and decide we are going to go to the movies afterward. He says "lets go to the food court real quick" Im like okay. We go to Mccy D's and I get myself some food and all he gets is some juice. We sit down and Im like, all you want is juice? you already have water! He is like this isnt water...and he puts some of what looks like water in the cup of juice. Im sittin there watchin him and I slowwwwwwwwwwly realized that he does...not...have...water...ITS VODKA! He is busy getting drunk on what I thought was a date. OMG OMG OMG. Asswipe. Muskrat. Platypus. Dirtbaggggggg. That is where the date ended

Free Movie Pass Havin Ass:
This summer, last weekend to be exact, I go out with a different guy...we'll call him scrub. Scrub CALLS ME, I dont call him, and asks what im doin. Im like nothin, wassup. He is like we should hang out. Im like okay, what do you wanna do. He says, lets go to the movies. Okayyyy. Im thinkin we can meet at Gallery Place but he says he will come out to Largo. Now, in case you dont know, Largo is ghetto and full of kids. Gallery Place is a lot better. So he gets on the train and I meet him in Largo. We stand in line. He has on a really cute outfit, might I add. We get closer to the front and Im stading in front of him. I think to myself, maybe I should pull out my wallet, so I do. I also think that he is going to tell me to put it back...after all, it is a first date and he asked me out. He doesnt ask me to put it back. So I go ahead and pay for my movie ticket. One for Bruno please. I get my ticket and step asside. Why oh whyyyy does he pull out a free movie pass. A FREE MOVIE PASS. He doesnt pay for my ticket or his!!!! WTF WTF WTF. Asswipe. Muskrat. Platypus. Dirthbaggggg. After the movie he asked, "when ima see you again". Never!!! How the fuck are you gonna pull out a coupan for YOURSELF on a first date and nottt even hook me up. WTF

-Reminder to self...NO SCRUBS!

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